Sexual abused
As children of God, we face the same tests that happen to the rest of the population. Even the most incomprehensible things, such as; emotional, physical and sexual abuse. God's way is perfect. His people are NOT. There is an astonishing rate of abuse in our society. In the past, to bring it up, taboo. But to leave this issue in the dark, it allows the problem to exist and to continue. These things need very specific attention from qualified professionals to overcome, both for the victims and for the perpetrators.
First and foremost, it can't be emphasized enough, we MUST put God first. He will lead us in the right decision in these critical times. He will help us keep the right attitude towards our situation and our offender. God will never fail us. We are a very privileged people. We may have gone through multiple traumas, unjust punishment; unspeakable acts may have been perpetrated against us. Inconsistent examples, love-hate relationships and more. We are imperfect, with problems, but we have perfection in Christ. He is a perfect example for us to follow, not just in good times, but he is safe for us when things are the most difficult. One day we will leave the trials of the flesh behind. We may feel like our cups are empty, and we are in the dark deep place where there is no light. We never have an empty cup if we have Christ. He gave His life for us. If we receive him, our cups overflow in spite of what we are going through. We need only to lift our eyes to Him in times of distress. He is the God of all comfort. We may feel that very few understand us or the battles we face. Which would be true, if we had no hope in God, and nothing to turn to, to bring about a change in our situation. When Jesus died on the cross, he was in the darkest place anyone has ever been through. He took all the sins of the world on his shoulders so that He understands us in any trying situation, and this is a great comfort. It is very important to separate the offender in sex abuse cases from the victim. (Always in sexual abuse cases. In Physical abuses cases it depends on the degree and nature of abuse. Emotional abuse can lead to other kinds of abuse. It needs identified and new patterns need to be established.) Neither the offender, nor victim will gain, if they are kept together. Both require extensive counseling. If it is a child, it is the law to report any suspected abuse to the right authorities. Health Care Professionals, and schools report suspected cases of abuse. They can be contacted. The best source is the Children's Protection Agency. They will evaluate the situation and how best to proceed. Don't try to judge how else this can be handled. Make that call. If you DON'T, there may be no end of crimes committed, and the child may not receive help. Do NOT confront the offender. It is a specialize problem. The authorities need to handle it. Always believe a child if they tell you of abuse. Very rarely a child makes this up. A professional caseworker always carefully checks every testimony. We sometimes are brought up in unhealthy environments. Dysfunctional homes. When there is abuse, the one on the receiving end is broken down emotionally and psychologically. This allows for the abuse to continue. One person may offend, and this begins the process of the normal barriers being broken down that makes it easy for other offenders to misuse that person. It is very helpful to learn about the factors of abuse. It helps in the healing process. When we are aware of the traps and how they work, we can avoid them. An offender abuses in cycles. He uses a variety of tools. Often there is a charming stage. Acting nice, understanding, caring. These are some of the things that lure one in. Reading stories to children. Using flattery. Paying attention, when one doesn't get it otherwise. Then this trust (that is misplaced) gets betrayed by acts or words of violence, humiliation and degrading actions. Threats are given to make the victims very afraid, and to keep the silence. This keeps the offender out of trouble, and keeps the victim accessible to feed the offenders addiction the next time. Then the cycle begins again. It is a vicious circle. Gifts may be given as an reward or payment for keeping the silence. Promises may be given that it may never happen again. Threats may be also given to frighten the child to silence. It may even involve a favorite pet being killed, and threats that would happen to the victim or to someone they love if they tell. There are specific disorders that are typical of all abuse victims (and victims of war). One that is common to all is Posttraumatic Stress Disorder. This is a situation where the person is able to act or be present in tough emotional situations, but put the reactions aside. It gets stored in another part of our conscience to be dealt with later. As in a war situation, a soldier hears the bombs and gunfire. In the intensity of the battle they lay their emotional reaction aside so they can perform. Later, when the person is no longer in danger, a normal sound or smell may trigger the emotional reaction that person would normally have had in battle. They react as if they are still in battle. There are two kinds of disorders I'm aware of for the person who suffers repeated abuse or trauma over a period of time. They splits off consciously. Their emotions, feelings and affections separate. Some splits remain in the circle of our conscious mind, and some tucked away, hidden so the memory and the feeling it provokes doesn't have to be dealt with. This is commonly known as denial. Denial comes in different forms. We may know the content of abuse, but deny the impact it had on us, or forget it (block the memory) altogether. The one I'm most familiar with is the same concept, but each split is given a separate identity and a task in the function and survival of that person. It used to be known as Multiple Personality Disorder (MPD) but it is now more commonly known as Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID). This only applies to a people that meet certain factors. The event took place between ages 2-12. It was repeated abuse. T he events were greatly traumatic. The Child has the preposition to dissociate. As in, tune out or change the focus to something outside of what is happening. The child tends to be creatively brilliant. This serves the child well in childhood. It helps them live their lives, to place the content, memory, feelings, and emotional from what took place on to the other identity. Perhaps, it was the child he or she seen in the mirror who faced the suffering instead of themselves. He or She the "bad family" while their own family remained the ideal family they desire to have. What was survival in childhood become disorder, dysfunction and confusion in adulthood? It must be dealt with by a qualified therapist. We can be thankful that God in his wisdom provide a way of escape during life's worse traumas. We just need to be responsible in dealing with these issues to resolve them when we are capable. It is important to carefully select a therapist. Some want the client to adopt their belief and systems. Or have the clients shed their own belief system. This is client abuse. It is good to shop around to get one who is there to help you with your needs. When one is found, and the client and the therapist has had opportunity to get acquainted, it is good to have the workers meet to speak with the therapist. It is good to establish teamwork so that all are working together on the same page to reach the goals of therapy. When a family suffers from any abuse trauma, it is very good to establish team workers (pastors) there to be a support, to listen, and to learn with us. They can be a great encouragement and to help us move forward. This is like an ICU unit Intensive Care. No family should go through this ordeal without this help. Approximately a little more than 20 years ago, these cases weren't addressed at all by anyone in society. So, mistakes in judgment and handling these things were made.
There may be a few older workers who remember when nothing was done. They have a hard time comprehending the difference in psychological needs and spiritual. Some may not have enough coping skills themselves to be able to handle this material. This is pretty intense. So don't fret if NOT everyone can be there at the level you need them to be. Sometimes when a victim feels he or she has nowhere to turn to, they turn to other vises. They turn to drinking or drugs. They turn to unhealthy relationships. They feel like the system has failed them. They turn away from God. For parents of abused children, it is good to take parenting classes. It helps in understanding the needs of the children, and how to have healthy parenting skills. It is important to learn how to guide and discipline without being abusive. These children need structure more than any child. They need unconditional love and support. They need someone there to listen to them if they like talking about what happened. Never pry. Leave it to the skilled professional to help the child speak of and place into prospective what has taken place. It is best to keep the homes as normal as possible. As an adult or older adolescent recovering from abuse, it is very good to take anger management classes. The clinical definition of anger is that it is the feeling of being hurt. Anger is a neutral word. I t isn't bad to feel angry. What we do with that anger to defuse it is Very important. We may have learned unhealthy ways of dealing with this emotion. We need to learn to reprogram good choices in dealing with things, instead of what we have known in the past. It is good to help children too, in having healthy outlets of their anger. Get them a punching bag to punch. Teach them early not to resolve their feelings by hitting other people. Any activity to use "pent up" energy constructively is good. One of the hardest things to deal with is our feelings toward the offender. It is hard to understand why they are the way they are or why they have done what they did. Sometimes they have extremes in their moods and nature. Their denial of the offences is pretty unshakeable. Typically they place the guilt on the innocent children they abuse, so they don't have to carry it. One thing we know for sure, as children of God we must learn to "Forgive" them. God will NOT forgive us, if we cannot forgive others (Matthew 6:14,15). We can't partake of the emblems (bread/wine) worthily if we hold resentment for others. Jesus Christ, teaches us to love our enemy and bless those who curse us. We can care about them. We just need to be clear we don't approve of what they have done, and there will be no tolerance of further abuse. We look to Jesus for his example on how to treat the offender when we are in his presence. He treated Judas the same as he always treated him. He cared for Judas the same, in spite of what he had done. When men were looking for Jesus to harm him, he evaded them. If the offender presents a danger to us, (or any children), it is best to avoid them. There is a bit of a negative attitude encouraged by the counseling world towards the offender. They sometimes teach that it is O.K. NOT to forgive. Beware of this! It isn't according to the scriptures. They also encourage directing the anger at the offender. It is right to recognize that the offender is responsible for the abuse. BUT, vengeance belongs to God (Hebrews 10:30). We want to avoid taking on a vengeful attitude. If the offender was healthy emotionally and psychologically, he wouldn't have made the choices he made. We do suffer harm in abuse cases. But, we don't need to suffer bitterness. Bitterness is very deadly to the spirit. We need to shake it off, and don't take on attitudes towards the offender which foster it. I am withholding my identity, not for personal reasons, but to protect family. I may be contacted by e-mail at: aim2bpostive2003@yahoo.com #2 Child molestation within the 2x2s ministry:
This was posted on the Truth Message board on 8/25/07
Julie wrote on 8/25/07
Timothy S. a worker in USA was arrested approximately two weeks ago and currently in Jail in Alexandra, MN with "allegedly" charge of Second Degree Sexual assault of a child under the age of 13. People who wishing to verify this information can call the Douglas County Sheriff's office at 320-762-8151. The lead investigation in the unit is Dave. The case file number is 21-cr-07-1050.
This situation breaks my heart, and I can't begin to imagine what these children will face in their lives because of this. Tim is the last person I'd have suspected of this, but looking back reading about pedophiles, the signs were there. It's a lesson to me to be viligant and continue to teach my children about safety.
Julie 8/27/2007
This afternoon my husband John and I, along with Scott R. met with Lyle S. and Craig W. about pedophile issue in the 2x2 ministry at my request. Lyle, is the head worker in MN, USA and Craig was Tim's companion. I won't attempt to outline the entire 11/2 hour meeting, but here is the summary:
~~~ Neither Lyle nor Craig had read the Crimminal Complaint of Tim's so we provided them a copy which they read.
~~~ We expressed our concern and anger that this issue has not been properly handled thus far---- families that Tim has bee with have NOT been notified.
~~~ I was struck that Lyle and Craig seemed seriously out of touch with reality of child molestation and standard procedures.
~~~ I was also impressed at Lyle's attention to our concern and acknowledgement that things need to handle differently.
~~~ I advised Lyle that I would like the notification to families to come from him, but that if it didn't I would take the next step myself.
~~~ Lyle seemed opened to sending out the letter and saw the value of doing so. He seemed to have NO objection to the letter I drafted.
~~~ Lyle seemed to be more proactive than I would have expected about this issue, even though he seems to still be lacking the basic knowledge that most people "in the world" have. He had a meeting with his staff in Minesota, USA during the past year about child molestation, and let them know then responsiblitlites were to "report" anything they saw to the authorities without trying to determined the truth of the matter themselves (Tim was at this meeting).
~~~ We talked at length about how issues like this have been "covered up" in the past and that sanity and severe damage had been done because of this (Lyle agreed). I plan on calling Lyle in the days to determine what action he'll be taking.
~~~ Scott printing out the entire thread in child molestation in Minesota on the message board so they could see that they could see that how much attention this is getting at this time there were over 2,000 hits after just 2 days.
We received a letter from Lyle S. and Craig W. today dated August 28th. It says...
Dear Friends;
We have come to the conclusion that it would be wise to inform you of recent developments of one of the Minnesota workers. We are sending this letter to every home on our Minnesota list of friends. Many of you would not have children in your care but may be grandparents or otherwise have special concerns. We have become aware that there is information circulating so we want to end the speculation and give you the facts as we know them.
On July 27th, Tim Severud was arrested and jailed for multiple counts of Criminal Sexual Conduct in the Second Degree with a child under the age of 13. Criminal Sexual Assault against a child is categorized as First, Second, Third, Fourth or Fifth Degree, with First Degree being the most serious.
According to the Criminal Complaint, Tim was caught in the act of molesting a 10-year old girl, with another child in the room. The children in the case were female, age ten and under. Tim is currently in jail under the custody of the Douglas County Sheriff's department. Legal proceedings will continue, and the process of the law will determine innocence or guilt in this case. Because of the dangerous nature of these charges, we feel that it is our responsibility to alert to you to this situation at this time.
This letter serves to inform all parents and other caregivers that you should immediately have a conversation with any child in your care who could have been alone with Tim at any time, to determine if inappropriate sexual behavior took place. Molestation can have serious emotional, psychological and spiritual effects on a child, and this issue should be taken very seriously. We also urge you to forward a copy of this letter to the parents or caregivers of any child who may have spent time alone with Tim.
Tim spent a lot of time in the homes of families and was well liked and trusted by parents and children. Some of the alleged crimes that Tim was arrested for took place during what could seen like innocent play to a child. If your child was molested, he or she may be confused about what happened. It's common in these situations for the child to feel that anything inappropriate that happened was somehow their own fault. A pedophile will frequently tell the child that what he does with them is a secret and they should not tell anyone about it.
If you are aware or learn of any inappropriate sexual behavior, you should immediately call the law enforcement authorities in the area it occurred.
In regards to Tim; our concern is the welfare of his soul. He will no longer be in the work here in Minnesota or elsewhere. Tim will not be attending any of our meetings until the legal process and ensuing treatment be completed and only with the approval of those who he may be meeting with.
Sincerely, your brothers in Christ,
(Signed by Craig Winquist and Lyle Schober)
Scott R. wrote 8/28/2007
I have copies of the count documents--- Tim has admitted to the charges against him (multiple), and the child has been interviewed and verified this abused that has taken place. I'd like to point out that my role in this was more of an observer than anything. All credit for this meeting goes to Julie and John for having the courage to follow their conviction concerning this issue.
I pointed out to Lyle that because of our up bringing in the "truth" there is a tendency towards "worker worship" which can make members look the other way or to NOT bring issues such as this before other members of the church.
Since Julie and John only recently left the "truth" I can understand and appreciate how much courage this took for them to NOT only ask for a meeting with the overseer, but to sit with them and ask such pointed questions and expect action to be taken. It would be good if more of the friends still in the truth would hold the workers accountable as Julie and John did in this matter.
I would like to point out again that I was very impressed by the attitude from Lyle and Craig toward NOT only to Julie and John, but also toward me. They never questioned my presence and answered any questions asked. I think that it took a lot of fortitude on Lyle part to sit down with "exes" and answer questions and offered to do what he could.
~~~ Unknown author wrote:
I am glad the workers acknowledged the problem and are willing to inform people involved so proper steps can be taken to get help for all children that may have been involved. No big deal Tim admitted it. Often sexual offenders will admit they have done it. This is because they often have no remorse about what they have done as a problem. People like this are mentally unstable, and need psychiatric help.
~~~ Brick wrote:
When a crime such as this happens and is NOT reported to the authorities, then it's anyone's guess as to what will happen. As I have stated numerous times on here, sexual predators do NOT appear to be scum bags. They are well respected individuals. The responsibility for prosecuting these pedophile individuals fall on the parents! or the parties responsibilities for the well being of the victims NOT those who are responsible for the predator.
Mom and dad, if you love your children as Christ loved the church, you'll intervene in these matters without consideration for the workers, your social standing in this fellowship, your reputation, and even in spite of possible protests of the abused child. You've an obligation to do the right thing, for once, regardless of who it hurts. Otherwise, consider yourself to be giving aid to an abuser of children; you just enable the abuser to repeat his crime.
~~~ Take a stand wrote:
The lives of our children and their offspring depend on what we, as individuals are prepared to do about the epidemic of molestation I say we need to take a stand for the physical and mental health of our children. We can not let things like this continue unpunished. Children do NOT get over the effects of molestation. It is something they will carry into their adulthood and will effect every affect aspect of their lives. This is such a serious crime, and as such needs to be treated as serious. Anyone, who would let this happen to children through ignorance and silence is as much as fault as the perpetrator.
~~~ Ithascome wrote:
I am a teacher... I have seen teachers accused of things they did NOT do. This is why we have to pay for 8 millions dollars occupational liability insurance. Workers do NOT have that protection. In fact, they are subjected to the worst possible conditions as they lived with these families. They have NO! protection against someone who wants to hurt them and ruin their reputation and lives.
Texas teachers are required by law to report any suspected child abused immediately. Just assume all states have stome type of Child Protective Service Division. When you make a report, be specific. Tell exactly what happened and when, be sure to record all injuries or incidents you are observed, including dates and time of day and keep this information secured. Reports should be made as soon as possible but no later than 48 hours before bruised and marks start to fade.
It is important for the investigators to be able to see the physical signs. Give the agency person any information you have about the relationship between the child and the suspected abuser.
Provide at least the following information in your report:
***** Name, age, and address of the child.
***** Brief description of the child.
***** Current injuries, medical problems, or behavior problems.
***** Parents names, and names of sibblings in the homes.
It would be good if all the workers, all elders of the churches know proper procedures. They should be encouraged to make reports if they suspected any child abuse within the church.
~~~~ My2cents wrote:
Molestors are well aware what they are doing is wrong and that why they do it in secret and tell no one. I can not sympathize with Tim S. over this issue, partly because I felt that he must have aware of his tendency long before he entered the work; and partly because.... Molestors are Predators!! Who do stark and wait for an opportunity to do what they want to do.
Tim entered the ministry willingly; and knowing what he was. The work is a field where a great deal of TRUST is given into the workers NOT only by the believers but also by his fellow-workers. And what Tim has done now cast a dark shadow upon the other workers, who do NOT deserve to be looked upon as possible predators as well.... but who will now have to endure the fall-out of his actions upon them.
To me a believer in this church, I feel that Tim has mocked God by knowing wha the was and yet choosing to stand before us in the role of being a minister of God's word. Now that kind of heart does NOT belong in the ministry!
~~~~ Final:
~~~ Wingsof eagle wrote: Very good informative letter. Thank you! Lyle and Craig for doing the right thing for everyone involved.
~~~ The rose wrote: I must say I am impressed that the workers in this case took the proper steps to inform parents and the friends without trying to sweep it under the rug.
~~~ A mother wrote: This is a real victory in my opinion! Lyle has been very brave. We are very thankful for this approach in dealing with this problem. Maybe in time this will help to deter other workers with pedophile behavior to seek help before it too late.
Thank you, Lyle and all those who are supporting him in taking care of the children. May this inspire others to REMOVE those in places of responsibilities who are abusing our children. Removing! any worker who has had this problem in the past when you understand pedophilia.
~~~ Savedbyblood wrote: After my own hard hearted experience with the workers, I find this is a wonderful step forward adding some humanity and humility to the work. This is very noble and selfless act of love to Christ and to his fold.
Lyle and Craig's honesty in exemplary! All the best to the families in NM and to Lyle and Craig, keep on keeping on with telling the truth. Nothing else shall set you free. None of us can hide behind a cover up for very long and when the lid blows it is always a greaters explosion for the pressure built up from the stress of denial.
~~~ Timber: Well done indeed. Thanks to all involved. I think this action will set a standard (or at least I hope) for all other areas and these crimes against children will NOT be toberated or swept under the rug.
Lyle has done the right thing by this situation and hopefully other overseers, and the workers, the church elders will follow his example.
~~~ Lilywolf wrote: I am glad these two workers did what was right for the children. They have stopped the cycle and hopefully the parents of all affected are smart enough to seek counseling for their children. I am glad that these workers care for Tim's soul and are doing what ministers of the Lord should do and going to visit him in prison and pray for him. They should also pray for and support the family of both victims and the abuser. The workers had done a lot by sending this letter out. I am so glad for the brave parents of the victims and for the braveness of these workers to do what is RIGHT.
~~~~ 12/15/07
From Scott R,
I received the following information from:
Christopher D. Karpan
Douglas County Attorney 239112
Chris was in charge of Tim's case. Tim received a 90 month sentence Friday December 14th 2007. Under Minnesota law, Tim will serve 2/3rds of his sentence (60 months) at 'hard time' in the State penitentiary.
Tim will then serve 1/3rd of his sentence (30 months) under intensive supervised release (can be viewed as a type of parole period). Tim will be under the restriction of a 10 year conditional release period.
He must be registered as a sex offender for the rest of his life, with all requirements as such imposed upon him. Tim will also have a DNA sample on file with the State Crime Data Base.
Scott
# 3 Case
Feb 1, 2008
Dear Friends,
I deeply regret having to write this letter to you. A brother worker who labored in the work of the ministry here in Michigan, USA who you loved and trusted and frequented your homes is under investigation for child molestation and abuse.
We are asking those of you who have children who have been in contact with him or with anyone who you have had some suspicions regarding their behavior as being unbecoming or inappropiate, after questioning the children thoroughly contact the nearest Michigan State Police Post with a written report and let me know so I can turn over the information to assist the authorities involved in this investigation.
It is important that such children involved give an account of the actions of such people so they can be lawfully dealt with and the children can be counseled to help remedy their fears, feelings of guilt or adverse emotional problems they may presently have or have in the future resulting from the experiences they suffered.
If there has been in the past or future any other such indecent or immoral action by anyone, friend, worker, relative, neighbor ect we suggest you contact the local law enforcement authorities. We are in full cooperation with them.
Being in the presence of Department of Human Service and Child Protection Service officials, judges, children defense lawyers on occasions, we have observed that they are people of intergrity and wisdom and have a deep concern and care for the welfare of children, upholding the laws of the land to protect them. We are very thankful that such people are in the places of responsibilty.
No wonder Paul the apostle in his writings in the New Testiment encourged the people on several occations to have respect toward our leaders and to pray "For kings and all that are in authority; that we may lead a quiet and peaceable life in all godliness and honesty.' Timothy 2:1-3 also in Romans 13:1-4 'Let every soul be subject unto the higher powers'....' For he is a minister of God to thee for good.'
Sincerely your brother in Christ,
Jerome Frandle (overseer of Michigan)
~~~~ Nathan B: Thanks, to Lyle S. and Craig W. for taken steps in the right direction.... I believe different overseers have taken child molestation within the 2x2s ministry very seriously and making sure the guilty ones are putting out of the work! for the safety of the friends' children. The friends have opened their homes to welcome the workers with open arms for the sake of Jesus so please don't let these pedolphile workers endangered this trust for allowing them to continue in the work.
Top 10 Lures Used by Child Predators
Knowing the top 10 lure techniques (as identified by the FBI) that are used by child predators will better prepare you to talk openly to your children and teach them what key phrases to look for and how to stay safe.
1) The Helpless Lure: This is a person who needs help carrying boxes to his car, or to find a lost dog, or lost child.
~~~ Prevention: Tell children that adults don’t ask kids for help in any way. Adults should ask Adults for help or directions or whatever they want.
2) The Promise Lure: This is when the predator promises to take the child to Mommy and Daddy. Or perhaps promises a surprise or candy in the car.
~~~ Prevention: Tell children that they are NEVER to go with anyone unless Mom or Dad has instructed them to.
3) The Gift Giving Lure: This is the predator who gives the child candy, toys, money, or other gifts.
~~~ Prevention: Tell children NEVER to accept gifts from anyone unless they received permission from Mom and Dad. This includes money from other family members (especially when the child is told to keep a secret). Tell children that we don’t keep secrets in our family.
4) The Messenger: This is the predator who tells the child that “Mommy was in a car accident” and the child is to go with them. Or “Your Mom called and asked me to pick you up today.”
~~~ Prevention: Tell children the names of people you have entrusted as emergency back ups. Remind them NEVER to go with anyone unless Mom or Dad instructs them to.
5) The Leader (Authority Figure): This is the policeman, priest, teacher or other authority figure who uses their position and suggested authority to win the child’s trust.
~~~ Prevention: Tell children not to go with anyone no matter what they are wearing or who they are, even if it means that they might get into trouble. (Many authority figures tell kids they will be in trouble, or threaten to hurt Mom and Dad if the child doesn’t cooperate).
6) Friendly Lure: This is the nice friendly predator who engages the child in conversation.
~~~ Prevention: Teach children not to talk to any adults they don’t know unless their parent is with them.
7) Playing Games: This is the predator that plays “touching games” and makes the child promise not to tell. Or other ‘games’ that the child feels uncomfortable with.
~~~ Prevention: Teach children to listen to their instincts. If something makes them feel funny in their stomachs, they are to stop, run and tell.
8) Too Cool: This is the person who the child looks up to as “cool.” Perhaps a friend’s older sibling, or a relative or a neighbor who has the latest video games.
~~~ Prevention: Teach children to listen to their instincts. If someone asks them to do something they know is wrong or feels funny, teach them to stop, run and tell.
9) The Magician Lure: This is the predator who seemingly magically knows the child’s name or other information about the child.
~~~ Prevention: Don’t put nametags on the outside of your children’s clothing, books, book bags, etc.
10) The Power Predator: This is the scary predator that just grabs the child off his/her bike and throws them into the car.
~~~ Prevention: This is the time when a child should fight, scream, kick, bite. Tell children that if they are on their bikes and someone tries to take them off, they should hold the bike as hard as they can while screaming, “You’re not my Mom/Dad!”
What Can You Do To Protect Your Children From Child Predators?
Parents can help protect their children by teaching them awareness of dangerous people and the lures used to entice children. Children should be Aware not Afraid of the dangers! Through education, perhaps we can prevent a child's disappearance.
Set aside time to talk to your children about dangerous people and strangers. Gear the talk to your children's level of understanding. Be straightforward, without frightening a sensitive child.
Keep current files on your children. Include a recent photo (update it at least four times a year for children under two, at least twice a year otherwise.), physical description, extra activities, and friend's names, addresses and phone numbers. Obtain a set of foot print or finger prints through local law enforcement or qualified professionals. Maintain dental or medical records.
Abductors usually select a child they think will be an easy target. They look for children who walk to school alone, take shortcuts, or seem to be alienated from other children. Quite often they watch playgrounds and observe children's play habits.
Be cautious when you select someone to care for your children. Meet them and check their references. If your children must be left alone, explain the proper way to answer the telephone and the door.
Teach your children their full name and yours, phone number with area code, and address with zip code. They should know how to make local and long distance calls; use a pay phone; call home and law enforcement departments; and dial "0" for the operator or 911 in an emergency.
Mentally note the clothes your children wear EVERYDAY! Avoid putting names visibly on clothing or belongings. Know where your children are at all times. Never leave them unattended in a public place, car or store. Children should play in supervised areas only.
Be sure your children know what to do if you are separated while shopping. They should not look for you; they should go to the nearest clerk and ask for help!
Explain who a stranger is. Children should never enter a stranger's home, get into their car, or take gifts from them. Explain when the child has the right to say NO to an adult. Be aware of anyone who pays an unusual amount of attention to your children. Listen to your children if they don't want to be left alone with someone. Ask them to tell you about anyone who asks them to keep a secret or any new adults they meet.
As a family, choose a family code word. Instruct your children to never go with anyone who does not know the code word. Stress that the word is not to be given to anyone. Change it frequently. Ask the school or day care center to notify you immediately if your children are absent. Inform them of people authorized to pick up your children. Have the same person every day if possible.
Encourage your children to use the buddy system. Advise them what to do if a stranger follows or approaches them. Get to know your neighbors and establish "safe homes" where children can go for help.
Child Predators on the Internet.
While the computer age has opened a whole new world for our children to explore and learn from, the "information superhighway" also has a dark side we all need to be aware of. Just as they prey on land, Pedophiles lurk on the Internet waiting to lure innocent children into their web of deviance, looking for their next victim. These deviates meet others who claim children for their victims, share stories, pictures and encourage each other along the way.
The tricks they use on the Internet are a little different. They can hide behind the screen. No one can tell if they are 12, 20, 40, or any age. They know how to relate to children and find it easy to communicate on that level. They present themselves in areas children frequent and pose as children. They get to know the child they are communicating with and pass themselves off as a friend. Often, they will use smoking cigarettes, using drugs, talking about sex, or some activity they should not be involved with as an incitement to lure the child to meet them without anyone knowing.
The trap is then laid. An adult will lure the child out to meet with them. Thinking it's another child, they set off to meet their friend. What happens next depends on the plan of the predator. For some, this would be enough. The fact that they won their trust enough to get them to meet them may be all the ground rules they need to molest the child. Some may attempt a closer relationship by playing the con a little longer.
The key to all of this is that child predators are cons. Their goals are as varied as their egos. The limits for one may just be the beginning point for another. There is no way to predict how any given predator will react. Their personalities differ. Their needs are not the same in many ways. There is only one thing they have completely in common. That is the fact that they find their thrill in luring a child into their well concocted plan.
If you own a home computer please advise children of any age of the following rules, which may reduce your child's risk of exploitation:
NEVER give out any personal information such as your last name, address, telephone number, your parents' first or last names, their work phone numbers, name of their employer's or business names, the name or location of your school. Make them understand they must always ask you and get your permission first!
NEVER to send anyone your photograph or any other items via the Internet without obtaining your parent's permission even if someone insists you will not get into trouble. If someone repeatedly asks for your photo please be sure to alert your parents immediately.
NEVER respond to any messages that make you feel uncomfortable! Don't allow someone to say mean or naughty things to you; they have no right to do so! If you do come across someone doing this please get your parents right away so that they can get the person's user ID and possibly their IP address so that they may contact the on-line service.
NEVER agree to get together or meet with anyone you meet on-line. If someone asks you to meet with them first discuss it with your parents. If your parents agree to the meeting, be sure they come along and that you meet in a very public place such as a mall.
The more you know, the more you can teach your children to be aware of the world around them. There is so much good in it. They should be able to enjoy it, safely.
Signs of Physical Abuse
These are signs and indicators that should alert parents, doctors, nurses, dentist, school teachers, daycare workers, babysitters, or law enforcement to sexual or physical abuse:
Physical Signs: bruises, cuts, limping, multiple injuries, pain, bleeding, itching, fluid or rawness in private areas of the body.
Abrupt Behaviors Changes: withdrawal, fearfulness, isolation, excessive mood swings, nightmares, starts bed-wetting, stops potty-training, aggressive or rebellious behavior, school problems, clinging, excessive crying, or regression to infantile behavior. Sudden interest in sexual habits not suited for their age group.
Emotional Problems: depression, anxiety, panicky, guiltiness, rejection, acting out their feelings, aggressiveness, intentionally afflicts pain to them, becomes fearful of certain people, places, or activities.
If you notice any of these signs or indicators, you should ask questions. Ask the child about whatever has alarmed you. Please pay very close attention to their reaction, as well as their answers to your questions. Children may try to make excuses or cover it up out of shame or fear of the predator.
When you question a child under these circumstances, you must stay calm and collective. Keep your composure and assure the child they are not to blame for whatever is happening to them. Point out to them that the abuser is solely to blame and must be punished for their actions. This can be tough if the abuser is someone close to them, like a relative.
Never show disbelief in what the child tells you! You must gain the child's trust and they must feel security in your presence or they will claim up and withdrawal. It is very rare for a child to lie about something of this nature.
Explain to the child the procedures that must be taken. Reinforce the trust and feel of security that they have placed in you! Promise to stay by their side and do so! The child has given you their confidence, don't blow it!
Call the police or local law enforcement and report the crime. It might be easier for the victim if you request an officer of the same sex as the child to do the questioning. Ask the child if he or she would feel more comfortable with a male or female officer. Most law enforcement agencies have male and female officers trained to handle these cases.
The child will need to go to a hospital to be checked out. The doctor will do a complete examination and take specimens, samples, and pictures needed for prosecutors to prosecute the case. Please stay by the child's side as you promised, unless the child asks you not to! This will be a very trying time for the child, but it is of utmost importance to prove the guilt of the predator or abuser. You must give the child your full support!
What can the concerned parent/guardian look for to I.D. a potential offender?
An unusual and pervasive interest in a particular child – especially, but not limited to, female children. Providing more favors or privileges to one child over another.
Socializing more with children than with adults. Not wanting to have adult friends over to the house, or to participate in adult activities. Wanting to stay home most of the time.
Wanting one child to stay home while the others go somewhere. Insistence on child having friends over to spend the night instead of vice versa.
Efforts to isolate with a child, i.e., encouraging mother to go shopping, on separate vacations, separate working schedules, etc. Repeated offers to “baby-sit” with the children while the mother or parents go out and relax, etc.
Intimate roughhousing with children on a regular basis. Disregarding the normal rules of modesty and encouraging a lack of modesty around the home. Encouraging a lack of modesty on the part of the children. Being inappropriately dressed around children.
Barging into the bathroom or bedroom when children are bathing or dressing. Discussing age inappropriate topics with a child. A child who is directly or indirectly trying not to be isolated with a suspect. (For purposes of brevity, the word “suspect” is used to include any person from the “suspected categories” above).
Diminished interest in normal marriage sexual relations. Very few sex offenders have regular and loving sexual relations with their spouse. Obsessive and/or frequent masturbation.
Overreaction to media hype about sex offender arrests. This is where the sex offender uses the media hype to frighten his victim and also to cover up his own crimes.
Treating a particular child like they were an adult and including them in adult conversations about adult matters. Especially talking about sexual things around children or telling off color jokes to children. Most child molesters are interested in children who demonstrate an interest in sex. Telling off color stories and noting the reaction is a method used to test this interest.
Seen or observed to stare at one or more of the children while the child is engaged in normal activities. Unusual interest in young girls/boys at the mall or other public places.
Voyeurising on children in the home. For example, excessive interest in watching the children play after they are in their night clothes.
It should be noted that almost everyone does some (or a lot) of these things at least some of the time. This does not mean that they are sex offenders, or even potential sex offenders. The key to discovery is that both the potential and acting-out offender does a high percentage of these things quite regularly. The problem is that unless you are looking for the right thing and the right combination of things, you will think what you see is normal – because in the great majority of instances it is normal non-offender behavior.
Signed
nitro
